i have no words, i have no signs

I had to unofficially break hearts today, hearts I didn’t want to break, hearts I knew were broken, hearts that held a thousand volts of self belief.

Tomorrow we will officially announce to them the results of the house elections to the nominees but they may have found out themselves. Whatever it is, there is a lot of explanation to do to explain to them their tasks, to explain to them the rationale behind their allocated posts as well as explaining to those who did not get in.

I would have been devastated had I not gotten the post but I would have mopped over it for a while and then get over it and then put my best into the job. The first step to rejection after all is accepting it. I wish you could accept it, you asked me why you got such a job and I had such a hard time explaining it. I hope in all honesty that tonight I can gather my thoughts sufficiently and then explain to your tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, from 7.30 in the morning at school all the way to 7.30 in the afternoon at Bukit Timah.

Anyway, congratulations to the guitar club. I can sense that they were genuinely happy that their efforts paid off and there was something very very endearing about our guitar ensemble. I marveled at the way during camps there was this bunch of 30 or so people eating packet food and then gathering at the study room to practice their guitar, or otherwise put in a lot of effort which I have not seen.

Add to that that Jolyn and Zahirah had no inkling of playing a guitar before, and you get a success story not to be forgotten. They used to complain about it incessantly but like how everything extra curricular in our life is coming to end, I think they would mention about how it made them proud. Even though I didn’t win a medal, or an individual certificate with the choir, the certificate that the choir got was more than enough. You could have shred it into 80 separate pieces and I would have gladly taken mine.

I’ll say the same for the House Committee, about how it’s going to be over. My house comm are the most chapalang bunch to come together, the most multi-racial, the smartest one with the best results and the most cooperative. There were no individual tasks, only us coming together for our common goal. We may not have been the most successful but since a year ago, we’ve grown definitely and I can proudly now say that I will not forget you. I have the utmost faith in the future when we’ve grown out of this house comm thing and we’ll still see each other somehow.

I was a lousy captain, but the best were the ones with me, not beneath me. I believed in that fact from the start, I believe it now. You are not beneath me, you are with me.

To the next captain, to the next leader of any CCA, to the next person who is assuming some sort of leadership position, remember that no one is submissive to your order, they are merely following your instruction. No one person should be attributed for success, but every single person no matter how minute a role.

I liken how we have made this journey through JC with the extra activities like the reverberations of a footstep in the water. The way you prod just a tiny bit, but the sine waves reverberate out, it’s magnitude almost infinite.

I don’t want this to end, never.