Chapter Seventy-Nine: If only women didn’t exist

Today was one of the few times I felt that women shouldn’t deserve to exist. I’m sure they feel the same way about us sometimes. Why is it that the opposite gender posesses the ability to rob us of our linguistical abilities at the most unsuitable of moments and they are able to influence what our mind feels, what our heart controls and our emotions?

I’m sure that it does not only apply to me, it applies to all I would call a brother- how such a person can make conversation feel almost surreal. Maybe it’s the fact that rarity exists, the fact that there are other saintly people in one’s heart…but maybe it’s just her or him.

Despite the best of encouragements from a friend and from my unhealthy conscience, certain barriers will always exist and until I find a way to demolish such things, steps are not meant to be taken but built instead.

If only everyday was meant to be looked forward to, reasons of who, of when, of what and most importantly and unimportantly, why?

Why does unrequited love exist? Why do glances across a room get spotted so easily? Why is it that at the mention of one’s name in a crowd would turn one’s head? Why would laughter be most pre-eminent and more so of a smile when you love someone? Why does one soften one’s words when speaking to someone you love?

I thought of whys, how, what ifs, what coulds and what woulds today walking back. Then, Ricky Martin’s (cue cheesy moment number 121231723) “She’s All I Ever Had” plays in my head. Not many of you would have heard the cheesiest and most pathetically emotional of songs but like every other pop song, frankness = truth.

Would someone be all you ever had? Clinging on to someone is detrimental to a relationship. A relationship, platonic (some story later) or no demands respect, trust and also the most forgotten freedom.

She does not belong to you. You do not belong to her. She is free to talk, to mingle, to laugh, to smile, to look into someone’s elses eyes. And you are not bound by imaginary shackles, so free yourself.

If only such a thing is easy.

Someone once said that “when a man says he loves a woman, he means it….for the moment”. I think I’ve mentioned it before. Man puts emotion into the very nuances of words, sentences, poetry and prose and He is susceptible to it most.

He means what he says at each moment. When he says “no” he means “no”, when he says “yes” he says “yes” and when he says “i love you” he says “i love you”.

I’ve only said that once to a certain someone at Moon Crescent in San Francisco but in whatever else that I have encountered and have indulged in, unrequited seems to be the catchphrase.

Either that or the fact that one doesn’t want to “ruin a friendship”. Oh, so many times has it been said, so many times it has failed.

Enough said, I’m off to clear my head of filthy fumes of sulphur.

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In no particular link…Hi Loretta!