Chapter Fifty-Four: Dumped before Valentines

All these years I’ve never spent a proper Valentines with someone I really wanted to spend it with. But bah, since when did you losers ever get to spend it properly with someone? Dreams are just dreams and wants are just wants.

But I had a good Valentine’s with Bern, Sophia and Michelle…before both girls got attached.

Girls fall in love easily, guys fall out of it.

/

On O-levels night.

Her: Do you still think of me sometimes?

Amirul: Yes, I do.

Her: Am I more of a lost love or lost friend?

Amirul: A lost friend that I loved.

Her: But eventually you gave me up for the world. Were you as close to anyone else ever since?

Amirul: No.

Her: What kind of actions were u expecting to reciprocate your love?

Amirul: *Forget what I replied*

Her: Do you believe in unconditional love?

Amirul: Yes.

Her: Well, somehow I don’y believe that anyone is capable of loving another without expecting any form of return. Are you happier now than before?

Amirul: Yes.

Her: That’s great. Rest assured that as much as I miss you, us, I won’t come in to screw up your life. I just want to thank you…

Amirul: Thank you to you too. I love you

Her: And I love you too.

/

I take back my earlier statement. Men fall out of it harder. Stupidity, irrationality and the infallibility of the heart all contribute to the fact that the repercussions of love radiate and reveberate through the chambers of one’s heart more powerful than breaking of one’s heart.

Valentine’s is three weeks away and I’ve been dumped. She pulled me aside and said, “I don’t think I can make it for Valentines”.

I admit that my first reaction about it was one full of disgust, disdain and a particular liking for vulgarities. I felt the same way I did back then, another Valentine’s alone.

Then she explained to me why. Why? Because those most deserving of love in this world are those whose heart has been inflicted with just one wound- the deepest one.

Why is it that when you have your life most in order, something else knocks it right off balance? I want the world to be the best for her, and I would advise her not to go ahead with it but I understand that certain people leave an indelible mark and they keep coming back. But the whole cycle will most probably repeat itself and as blissful and emotionally contented you will be during the course of the relationship, at the end of it, you’ll end up telling yourself no.

And then it repeats again.

There was a reason why the first ended, there will be a reason why the second ends. I just can’t bear seeing the smile on your face when your eyes are emotionally displaced.

A, always with you.